Pity The Pope

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis"?
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he said, turned to the man and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father, but I just read in the paper that the Pope has does."

Cigarettes and Condoms

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip, and slipped it over her cigarette. She then continued to smoke the cigarette. Her friend noticed this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! What is it that you put over your cigarette?" "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get those?" "At the pharmacy." When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist looked a little surprised and said, "Yes, we sell condoms here. What size do you want?" The old lady thought for a minute and then said, "One that will fit a Camel."